Jan 18 2009
The One-Eyed Man and His Little Italian Tootsie Roll
As an investigator for the juvenile courts for over six years, I met my share of odd and quirky people. The One-Eyed Man was one such person and I tell his story not in ridicule but in appreciation for his honesty and ability to tell it like it is. For the record, I recommended liberal, unsupervised visitation between the One-Eyed Man and his children, which was what he wanted.I sat down with the One-Eyed Man after getting a briefing from his attorney that he was difficult to talk to and probably won’t let me interview him for very long. He was wrong of course and Mr. One-Eyed Man talked for hours about his life, ex-girlfriend and children. My tolerance for odd people is high and I found him amusing.
Parts of the interview went something like this:
ME: So, have you been able to work with the Department of Children and Familes?
OEM: Those Commie, Natzi, Bastards from Hell?
ME: That would be a no then?
OEM: Yes.
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OEM: You want to see my eye? Rips off eye patch.
ME: Silent.
OEM: This is what cancer of the eye looks like. Shows me an empty eye socket.
ME: Interesting. His attorney cringes in the corner.
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OEM: I haven’t been with that crazy woman for 5 years.
ME: Not to be disrespectful sir, but how do the two of you have an 18 month old then?
OEM: I came home from work one day and there she was in my bed. I had to perform like a God-damned circus monkey.
ME: Ahh. So you had a brief fling?
OEM: Yeah, yeah. She loves my sausage. Well, it’s more like a little Italian tootsie roll.
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I don’t know how I got through this interview, but I do know that when I looked under the surface of his brash veneer, he was just a man who loved and missed his children. Mr. One-Eyed Man with his little Italian tootsie roll will forever be ingrained in my brain.
