hip momma

Young children have a difficult time with death and trying to provide enough information without scaring them can be almost impossible.   If you do not answer the questions your children have, they will seek out answers elsewhere and the advice of another five year old may not be soothing to your child.

Last year my parents had to put their dog down because he was very sick.  We talked this over with my niece and everyone thought she basically understood that the dog wasn’t coming back but that he was no longer suffering.  She cried and wanted him to come back, but after a short while she seemed to accept that he was gone.

One year after the dog was put down, my niece saw the box in my mother’s room where his ashes were.  She had known of this box throughout the year and she rarely paid any attention to it.  Out of nowhere, she picked up the small box one day and started sobbing, “Skippy, come out!  I want you to come out and play!” 

Although we thought she understood, it was clear that she didn’t.  My mother explained to her that Skippy couldn’t come out and later that day she and my father buried the box in the backyard.

Within the past 6 months, my niece has now lost her two great-grandmothers.  She knew both women, one quite well.  The death of my parents dog has only been the beginning of her experience with death journey.  At four, she is very sensitive and this is difficult for her to handle.

A young neighbor told her that “it’s ok when you die because your parents will be in heaven waiting for you”.  She freaked out that her parents would be “going to heaven” without her first.  She is not ready to understand that which most of us don’t, that death is a part of life but none of us really know what happens when we die.

My niece asked me if I was old (at 36 I am older than her and might as well be 90).  I said yes, I’m older than you.  She started crying and said that I was going to die soon because I was old and I would be going to heaven.  I assured her that I wasn’t very old and that I’d stay with her forever.  I didn’t believe that at four she should have to understand the reality and she deserved a few more years of believing in santa claus, the tooth fairy and that her auntie will never, ever leave her.